And such and stuff.

I’ve been putting off updating this blog for…a really long time. First, we were out of town visiting Matt’s family in Hawaii. Then Matt was starting a new job (and can I just say, YAY) and we were trying to adjust to our new schedule. And then….well I started being a giant pessimist. I’ve probably mentioned that the girls only seem to fight around me and that it frustrates me a LOT. Not much in that respect had changed, except that when I had the girls out I spent the whole time in a state of high anxiety, always thinking about and anticipating the next fight, watching both dogs obsessively so that I could step in the moment something happened. Now, as you probably know, dogs read humans exceptionally well. And my dogs read me like a freaking book. And all that they were reading off of me when out together was STRESSSSSSSS. Which made them stressed, which made me more stressed, which is the exact opposite of the effect I was trying to achieve.

The worst part of the whole vicious cycle? I had NO idea what I was doing. I didn’t realize how much I tensed up when they were out. I feel like most of the time I have a pretty good handle on what goes on inside my brain but in this case I was absolutely, utterly ignorant of what was happening. Which makes me feel like a complete jackass. Because when I went to the behaviorist and told her what was happening she said “Yeah, it is you. I’ve seen you in class and you’re constantly worried about your dogs – it’s not good for you or them. You’re micromanaging.” And I experienced a moment of absolute clarity and realized that I’ve been anxious over a lot of stuff for months. I have massive amounts of anxiety over things that I have no way of controlling. And I internalize a lot of it, so unless I actually pay attention to my brain, or someone is watching me and looking for it, no one really knows.

On the plus side, now that I know what’s going on I’ve been working on it. Just realizing what was happening in my head and working on ways to break the cycle has helped. For instance, when I have both of the girls out and something happens (a car door slams, Matt comes upstairs, etc) the first thing I do is take a breath. And I concentrate on that breath, and the next breath, and the breath after that, and I keep my mouth shut, and you know what? The girls do fine. When I am not talking and not focusing on them they do absolutely fine. I don’t think I can actually portray in words how much it annoys/amuses me to realize that me and my mouth are such a huge part of the problem and how easy it would have been for me to just shut the heck up months ago. I’m trying not to focus too much on that because beating myself up over it is not only really unhelpful, it also contributes to my brain obsessing over stuff that I can’t control or change. And I’m trying to turn over a new leaf here dammit.

So….that’s basically an update I guess. Here’s a picture of my parental unit’s dog looking like a doof to round things up.

In which I get a *tiny* bit sentimental

But it’s allowed. Because it’s Valentine’s Day dammit. We are currently sitting at 51 days without a fight. More importantly we have this:

Why yes, that IS Mu and Tipper nicely sharing the sofa while I am on it with them. Let me just say: three months ago these dogs were constantly at each others throats (or ears, or legs) and on Sunday they calmly shared the sofa with me. I can’t even describe how happy this made me. I almost started crying right on the spot. On Sunday I actually started believing that this could work. My internal pessimist was doing it’s best to quash the tiny sad kernel of hope that I had left but it was FOR NAUGHT. On Sunday, I threw my half full glass at that bitch. We may have another fight. In fact we probably will have another fight because we (the humans, but really the dogs too) are not perfect. In my dream it mcdreamer world we’d all get along for the rest of forever but if in reality we have another couple fights I’ll deal with it. Because I know that if we work at it we can get back to this.

On the dog training front!

Tipper McGee
Has become a different dog in her Outdoor Adventure Class. We’ve been in the class for a couple weeks and the first two classes ended in massive frustration for her and more tears than I’m willing to admit for me. Out of sheer desperation (and on the recommendation of the trainer) I bought her a Wonder Walker – it’s a walking harness with a loop that goes around her neck and a second loop that goes around her muzzle. The first time I put it on her she went “broken” and buried her head in my torso until I managed to pry it off of her snout. We’re at the point now (two weeks later) that she can walk with it on for a good amount of time but we started oh so very small. In fact, I started by putting it on, popping a treat in her mouth and taking it back off. We literally worked up by treat seconds (a treat second is how long it takes me to feed one treat – DON’T JUDGE MY TIME MEASUREMENTS). It was a slow process but oh so worth it. On Sunday she didn’t pull, she looked at me about 500 times more than she usually does, my arm didn’t hurt from being yanked on, all in all it was a beautiful day. Nay, a gorgeous day, despite the freezing cold weather.

Mu
Is ROCKING her agility class. She’s always been willing to work but she is astounding me in this class. She loves it, I love it and I flat out adore how fearless she is. On Sunday she thought it would be a good idea to jump ON the barrel for the chute, missed, fell off, and scared the daylights out of both of us. But she got up, came around and was ready to go back and try it again. I don’t know where she got that kind of bounce back from but I’m thoroughly impressed by it. She wasn’t intimidated in the slightest by the swing plank board thing (of course I didn’t forget the name….). She also didn’t react to a single dog that night. I don’t know when she grew up but….wow. Today I took her to Lowe’s with us to look at dishwashers (I think I might qualify as an adult now) and she did amazing. Loose leash walking all the way through the store, no barking at people, no inappropriate behavior, she was a model dog. I was very much pleased – and a little surprised to be honest.

Murphy
Has been practicing shaping. We’ve slacked off a bit on pivot work but have an adorable “Put ‘em up!”.  He looks like a little dancing bear, it takes all my willpower not to tackle him and smother him in kisses.

And that’s really all I have to talk about. I don’t want to jinx us but I’m hoping to turn this into more of a training record for us now. I’ll still document any kind of behavioral issues we run into but I’ll probably update a lot more on training – because we have more of that now.

Oh and because it’s my blog and it’s Valentine’s Day, here are my new favorite pictures of everyone.

Okay, NOW I’m done.

1/24/2012 Random Stuff

We are officially 30 days fight free. It feels strange. I think this is the longest we’ve gone without a fight in about six months (wow that feels even stranger – to know that our status quo was to expect fights for that long). I really feel like everyone actually started relaxing about two weeks ago. Up til then we were still getting a lot of growly nonsense out of Mu and a lot of avoidance behavior out of Tipper. Two weeks ago also coincided with the date that I plugged in the DAP diffuser again (it was unplugged because it started smoking and scared the hell out of me). I don’t know if it’s a coincidence that Mu started chilling out around then or not but I’m leaving it plugged in anyway. I like Happy Mu.

Matt has had the girls out together for most of the day while I’m gone. He says that they mostly just bum around the house and sleep on the sofa.

Exhibit A

I call before I get home now – it’s finally a habit. So Matt has the girls separated when I get home and they generally stay that way until dinner. I do training and try to get some exercise in for them during that time period so they would be separated anyway. After dinner they stay out together for as long as I’m comfortable. That time period tends to vary by day and by my mood. If they’re being really annoying and I’m in a crappy mood I’m much more likely to rotate them in and out. Now that they’re relaxing around each other more I’m hopeful that I can switch that up a little bit. Right now they’re both crashed out in the computer room with me after training sessions and indoor fetch. I’ve started tagging (clicking) and treating Mu for looking at strange noises/Matt coming up the stairs. I’m trying to get at least two repetitions in a night so that her default will eventually be to look at me instead of leaping on Tipper.

Mu’s bedtime behavior has improved drastically. She comes up the stairs and goes straight into her bed, where she gets a treat and clipped to her tether. Then I call Murphy up and fix his bed for him, then treat all of them in order. The past three nights we haven’t even had a grumble out of her. She does posture a little bit but Tipper is really good about ignoring her so she’s getting out of that too.

Overall I’m being cautiously optimistic. I’m trying not to tempt Murphy (the law, not my dog) by reading too much into what we have right now but it’s hard when it’s something I want so badly. It helps that I’m keeping so busy. Mu is in a Tricks class, Tipper is in an Outdoor Adventure class (omg the walking frustration) and I’m FINALLY learning how to free shape Murphy.

Check out his cuteness.

Yeah. About that.

I’m not exactly sure how to start this post. I’m not even sure that I’ll leave it up. I’ve just been thinking a lot lately – about the dogs, the fights, the awesome support I’ve gotten, and the not-so-awesome comments I’ve gotten. I don’t think that a lot of people really understand how much in-pack fighting affects the humans living in the house. Every situation is different, every dog is different, and every part of it is equally heart breaking. This is the background to our particular situation.

April 2007

I adopt Murphy from the shelter. He is an indoor pee-ing, door darting, other dog barking machine. I love him.

July (or June, some J month) 2008

Matt and I get married. Awwwwww.

May 2009

We get Mu from my cousin’s girlfriend’s sister’s oops litter. She is tiny and fluffy and freaking adorable. Also, armed with very sharp teeth.

August 27th, 2010

We go to Kansas to pick up Tipper from the rescue. She is orange and cuddly and incredibly cute & crazy. Murphy, Mu, and Tipper get along fantastically. They run, they play, they fetch, they tug, everything is fine.

Spring of 2011 (6 months or so after we got Tipper)

We have some snark issues with the girls. I get concerned and do a full physical and blood work on Tipper. I ask for advice from the many dog people on the internet. We start doing serious work on impulse control with Tipper.

Summer of 2011 (3 months or so after the first fight)

At this time my brother was actually living with us. We were being very careful with the girls, doing limited crate and rotate. My brother let the dogs (all of them) outside before he went to work – he was the only one home. When he let them back in he noticed that Mu was acting very strange. She ran straight downstairs, hid under my computer desk and wouldn’t come out. He put Tipper in a kennel, called me (I was on my way home) and told me what happened.

I’m really only detailing this fight because it was at this point that I knew we needed professional help. It took me two months to actually make an appointment to get that help – and I know why. It took 2 months to actually go and get help because I was embarrassed. And I was scared. I thought I might have to get rid of one of my girls and that thought absolutely petrified me. We considered crating and rotating as a long term solution. But honestly, we’re not cut out for that. It would seriously impact the quality of life for these dogs and I think that eventually a human would slip up and one of them would have the opportunity to kill the other. If it came to crating and rotating or rehoming I would pick rehoming. Flame me if you will, but I’d rather they live out a long full life somewhere else, rather than die here with me. These are the options I have right now – fix the situation, or rehome one of the girls.

What I’m trying to get across with this post is that these dogs are my family. I picked each one of them out – and I feel strongly that each of them were meant to join our family. I truly think that until you have lived with something like this in your household you have no idea what it’s like. Until you’ve waded into a dog fight and pried one dog’s teeth off the other you have no idea what it’s like. And honestly, if you haven’t done that over and over and cried and mourned and panicked and pleaded for help, you should not be giving me advice. Ever. Do you know how your advice makes me feel? It makes me feel like I failed. I feel like I failed my dogs, who I promised to keep safe and take care of forever. I feel like I failed my husband, because I promised him that I would make this right. I feel like I failed me, because I thought I could make this work but sometimes I just can’t.

I started this blog because I needed a journal of fights and general behavior. But I left it public so that if I ever meet someone that’s dealing with similar issues I can point them here. And I can tell them that I felt the same sense of shame and defeat and overwhelming guilt. I lost hope occasionally, I had (presumably) well intentioned people give me hurtful and negative advice. But in the end, I know my dogs. My behaviorist knows my dogs. And as long as she still has hope I will still have hope. I will tell them that I am pleading for a happy ending with every fiber of my being. But even if it our story doesn’t end with happy ever after, I will know that I tried everything I possibly could. And that’s really all you can do.

1/8/2012 Sunday – Full Moon Fun Times

The title of this post is entirely tongue in cheek. I hate the full moon. For the last three months on the full moon we have had a dog fight. To be quite honest, I didn’t believe the behaviorist when she told us that the moon was likely contributing to the level of bitch in our household. Cause, seriously? The moon? But the last three months have made me a believer. I wasn’t keeping a good detailed record of the fights in November but I do have a fight recorded on December 10th, the day of the full moon. And I *know* that we had a fight on (or the day before) the full moon in November because the behaviorist yelled at me. In a nice way, about things she’d already told me and maybe I should pay attention (and she’s right). And two days ago when Mu started stalking around and acting like the motion police I knew it was time to separate.

So, we’re currently crating and rotating. I hate it, but I also hate dog fights and we’re currently 14 days bloodshed free. I’d hate to break our streak. Behavior prior to the separation wasn’t really encouraging anyways. Mu hasn’t let down her guard yet – she’s still pretty edgy around Tipper. Unfortunately this appears to be mostly when I’m in the house. When I’m gone or at work Matt says that they spend a lot of time just ignoring each other. Mu will sleep upstairs and Tipper will sleep in the computer room with him, or vice versa. They’ll share the sofa with him when he’s watching TV – either one on each side of him or him on one end and them sharing the other space. That NEVER happens when I’m home. Mu always gets guardy over the sofa when I’m around. And she usually expands the perimeter to the entire living room. She’ll push Tipper out or pin her in a corner if the Orange Dog tries to come anywhere near me. And if Mu is sleeping on the sofa and Tipper manages to get across the room and up on the sofa with us, Mu will get up and leave. And then come back over and make Tipper get off with the power of her anger. It’s kind of depressing to me – what changes when I’m home that isn’t there when I’m not? Is it just because I’m me? Prior to implementing this behavior program I was pretty much the source of everything. I almost always fed the dogs, I did all the training, I did a lot of the exercise stuff so I was/am an Important Person to Mu. She’s mine and I’m hers and I don’t mind that but I would REALLY like to be able to cuddle with both of them on the sofa. Barring that I’d just like to be able to relax with both of them out. It’s really hard for me – with the exception of one fight ALL of the fights have happened when I’m home or right when I’m getting home. All of them. So it’s a little difficult for me to just kick back and pretend like everything will be ok. I suppose I should work on that.

1/1/2012 Sunday

Not much to report these days. The #OccupyNowackHouse movement has almost died out – there are still small tinges of rebellion but for the most part the rebel forces have calmed down. The guerilla forces are still rioting at random times. Much barking and jumping and flailing ensue at mealtime, outside time, and occasionally when the evil forces in charge ask for the nefarious movement known as a flat. There’s also been much distress when Mu gets to go outside instead of Tipper. Because the crates are within hearing distance of the back door there’s not really a way to hide it from her and I’m not entirely sure we should. She needs to understand that she can’t go outside every single time the door opens, I’m just not sure how to get that across to her.

I’m trying a new program with Mu to make her more….tolerable at bedtime. Our previous routine went like this: 1) Tipper goes outside first, then goes straight up to bed and gets tethered when she comes back in. 2) Mu and Murphy go outside together. They come back in and Mu arrows straight up the stairs, glares at Tipper and growls, then tries to dive under the bed. After a minute she comes out from under the bed and stalks around the bed and glares and growls at Tipper – who does her best to turn invisible. I should probably note that I don’t usually let her do that, I let her go through her entire posture the other day so I could see what we needed to change.

The new routine varies at step two – when Mu comes upstairs. I have Matt let her in after I go upstairs and sit on the edge of the bed. When she bombs her way up the stairs and blasts into the room I stuff a treat in her face. As soon as she looks at Tipper I stuff another treat in her face and bring her over to her bed. Once she’s on tie down I go around the room and treat all the dogs in the proper order. We’re trying a variation of this method when Mu comes in from outside because she likes to run in and glare and growl at Tipper’s crate. When she runs in I stuff a treat in her face and then rush her into the living room so we don’t have a crate fight (I am SO SICK of crate fights).  We’ll see how it goes.

That’s pretty much all I have to report. The girls are calming down again after the fight and we’re prepping for the full moon madness. I’m hoping we can avoid serious injury this time – I just pulled off all the scabs from the fight before last. So. Freaking. Gross.

12/25/2011 Sunday Fight

Yes, I know it’s the 28th. I didn’t want to write this one up because….well because I didn’t. But I’m doing it now because I need to send it to the behaviorist.

Who: Mu, Tipper and Murphy

What: Fight between Mu and Tipper

When: After feeding on Sunday…about 7??

Where: Entryway between living room and kitchen

Why: Two triggers, possibly concurrent. 1st – truck in the cul de sac blasting techno bass. 2nd – Matt coming up the stairs. I heard the bass first and didn’t hear Matt so I don’t know which happened first. What I know is that Tipper (who had been laying on the floor near me) got up and went just barely into the kitchen right when I heard the bass start. Mu (who was laying on the sofa) bailed off the sofa and predatory slunk towards Tipper. She got to Tipper and just dove right in. I started yelling at them and yelling for Matt to come help me. Murphy started trying to get Tipper off Mu, I saw him nip at her back and later in the fight he got a hold of her back leg and tried to pull her off. We eventually got them separated. Mu shed far less blood this time than normal. Her damage is mainly on her right ear. She has a couple scabs but is mostly just missing tufts of fur. Tipper has a very small hole in her right cheek that puffed up a little but isn’t really that bad. She was also losing tufts of fur afterwards. She also has a tiny scrape on her leg (from Murphy).

Matt says (and I think he’s right) that Tipper was defending, not attacking this time. Tipper didn’t get a good hold on Mu which is unusual for her and she seemed way more like WTF IS GOING ON then YEAH TAKE THIS BIATCH. Plus, Mu had been being offended about everything and bitchy all day. I don’t know why exactly and I kept a close eye on them all day and separated if she got too bad. I was lulled into complacency before the fight since they’d both been passed out for awhile right beforehand.

Since the fight Mu has been more of a stalkery bitch than usual. The first thing she does when let out of a kennel or in from outside is go look for Tipper. Once she finds her (Tipper is in a kennel), she stalks around the outside looking deeply offended at Tipper’s continued existence in our household. Matt says that yesterday she was doing more of that – walking around Tipper a lot, inspecting her constantly and pushing her out of every space Tipper tried to inhabit. Today Matt says she is getting better, a bit more relaxed but not a huge change.

I haven’t been home when they’re out together since the fight (except for feeding times). Monday we kept them separated, yesterday I was at work and then a friend was over for dinner. Today I’ve been at work but I think I’ll try them out together after they eat for a little while. Matt has said before that they (mostly Mu) are a lot more tense when I’m home. I don’t know why that is or how I can help it but I’m going to do my best to be calm and relaxed when I try it tonight. The good news is that they are getting time out together. Matt is off work so they were out for about 4 hours yesterday and most of the day today (6 – 8 hours) together.